If I don a cloak…

By Saturday, September 29, 2012 0 Permalink

Will I look like the sexy Scottish widow? Probably not. As I mentioned before, I wore a cloak at school and it was more quaint dork than chic young lady. Still it is always easier acting a part when you have the right costume. I thought I was making progress in my grieving. I don't think I am. After another interminable weekend alone with just the pets for company, I was looking around the internet for thoughts on how widows and widowers date and how it is for those who date them. Looking at forums of miserable posts hasn't really helped me I must admit. I have been shocked at the seeming lack of compassion from others telling me to join dating sites and hurry up and meet someone. I know they just see a nice young woman who doesn't really deserve to be all alone and think that I should be with someone. Well guess what? I think ...

Widow’s Weeds

By Wednesday, March 7, 2012 0 Permalink

I am trying on suits and dresses. I do not own much black. It is especially draining when one looks so gaunt and sad. Which I do. When I was a child we wore cloaks at school (very quaint school) and I often floated around pretending to be the Scottish Widow or some fictional dramatic damsel. Not sure that would be apt for tomorrow. Though it would solve a wardrobe dilemma and provide a solution for our changeable weather. I think I should write a new dictionary for terms not catered for. Adult orphan. And now, Unmarried widow. I find myself not only alone and lonely but also completely unlabelled. On one hand I have no legal standing, no label, no real status. Yet I have lost my other half. I have no future plans as most of them involved him. And if I am being honest, instigated by him. I receive sympathy cards and calls and ...

Maslenitsa

By Sunday, February 26, 2012 0 Permalink

I thought I had lost everyone and nothing further could happen. Never underestimate the universe. Since writing last I have suffered the tragic loss of my partner of 4 years. The man who mended me in the aftermath of losing my father, who cared for me when I lost my mother and gave me the courage to be myself and follow my passions. The grief of losing a partner is very very different from that of losing parents. I have great clarity and lucidity on the matter at present and am trying desperately to ensure I remain the person he held me up to be and not turn into an embittered, resentful Miss Havisham figure. If someone has for four years taught you how to function as an emotional being and taught you to love yourself and life then it would be more than an insult to trash that. Being totally alone without your ...