‘SAD’

By Saturday, August 31, 2013 0 Permalink

The acronym SAD  is commonly known for Seasonal Affective Disorder but it could also stand for Situation Always Difficult. August is a very difficult month for me, but in reality no worse or different than any other time. Life in general is pretty tricky most of the time. So why do things appear to have got worse just recently? I say 'appear', because we must always remember, even in the darkest depths of despair that thoughts are never real. To paraphrase Seneca, we suffer more from imagination than from reality. Though I will be the first to admit that seems hard to believe sometimes. The summer officially ended in August apparently.  Leaves have started falling from the trees, there is a breeze in the air which means going out without a jacket at night is not a good idea. Suddenly us girls face that tricky transitional phase where stockings look premature but bare ...

‘The Seven Year Itch’

No, not that kind of seven year itch. Sexless and/or loveless marriages are not high on my list of things to discuss right now. This seven year itch is my reference to the bored feeling I am currently experiencing. Nothing worse than being bored is there? As my parents used to say though, bored people are boring. So thats's nice, I'm boring as well! But really, nothing in the world is as boring as bereavement. Believe me. So, what exactly am I bored of? Missing people. Not crying over them. Not reflecting. Just bored of not being able to chat and laugh with the people who knew me best and let me be me. Bored at not being able to phone or text them, bored that they aren't at home waiting for me, bored of having no one to go to places with and even bored of not being able to just to bounce ideas off ...

Mission Statement Failure

By Sunday, July 29, 2012 0 Permalink

This blog was started with the august statement that I was going to try and make sense of the world now I was alone in it. I feel I have failed in this. Today I realise I know nothing. I can barely make sense of my own life let alone understand what is going on around me. Certainly, everything I do or see is very different seen through the eyes of someone who has lost their blood family and their partner in just 6 years. Life is odd at the best of times and I suppose the reason I am prone to so much reflection is because I seem to be so alone. I always thought too much apparently but now it seems like a full time job trying to stay calm. Having no one who remembers anything you did with your partner is quite shocking. I am just a walking archive system really. Trying to ...